And then it all changed

Events happen in your life that whiz past.  Some you’re only briefly aware of, and others make you stop and watch.   Then there are events that stop you, and make you pay attention to them.  You ignore those events at your peril.

I spent tonight as I do most nights cuddling my little man to sleep.  It’s one of those things we do, and it’s one of the great times of my day.  Days that have been shitty all melt away as I spend anywhere from 5mins to 30mins just lying there, in the dark, with my son next to me.  Tonight was the night that I realised, with startling clarity, exactly what was important to me in my life.

I’ve spent 20years of my life trying to make other people do work in a better way.  I’ve covered for incompetent morons, I’ve spent countless thousands of hours trying to get organisations to understand why when I say something, it’s worth listening to.  Now, I just don’t give a fuck.  The people who don’t understand why shitty requirements end up with shitty software – you know what – you just keep writing those shitty requirements and I’ll just nod.  No unit tests?  Sure, you have a nice time there, I hope it doesn’t hurt you too much.  Shitty code with cyclomatic complexity through the roof?  Grats – at least you can use an IDE, your mum must be so proud you ignorant fuck.

It’s just not worth my energy dealing with you, and your shitty defensive attitudes about how you have to do it this way because there’s no other option.  I’m just going to smile and say thank you, and then think again about how I’m going to go home tonight and cuddle the most important thing in the world.

I feel like I’m selling out – but you know what, after 20years of fighting the good fight, I’ve not had a single organisation say to me “thanks Jon, you really made a difference”.  I’ve done it for me, for my colleagues and mostly for the people I try to mentor.  No longer are you going to leech my energy like vampires, I’m going to be able to save that for my son.

Those people who want to learn a better way, and those people who ask me for help – you’re always welcome, and I’ll spend time and energy with you, because you care.  The rest of you, wear your warm badge of ignorance with pride, march on down that lane of stupidity and I hope you get hit by a car.

I should add to this, that it’s not my current organisation that is bad, or even the worst in this respect, it’s just that some time in the last year I grew up, and don’t want to do things that are bad for me any more.

Maybe one day I’ll find an organisation that doesn’t clothe itself in ignorance, one that treats people like they’re trying to help, not hinder and when I do, I’ll blog long and hard about that because life is too short, and love is too important to be hindered by spending time being unappreciated.

I love you Georgie, thank you so much for saving me.

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4 thoughts on “And then it all changed

  1. What an amazingly refreshing read (I think I read it more than once)!
    You are not selling out. You’re seeing life through a new lens and I actually think you’re a brave man to call it like it is. G*d knows countless others blinded to what’s true and good in their lives – never will.
    I am honored to call you my friend and have always respected you and your amazing intellect. Now, even more for your heart.
    You will read this post in years to come and smile at the realization of how profound this moment really was – the day where you began to live.

  2. This one did the rounds at work, everyone agreed with you more or less.
    Although given most of my group have never not used an IDE some of the irony was probably a little lost one them.
    Nice to see you at the BC bash too.
    Cheers Megan

  3. Jon,
    Whenever u are feeling something like this remember me. I am forever grateful to u for teaching me the wonderful ways of programming. You gave me something more. You have shown me my passion and direction, which I know many struggle to understand even after spending years in this industry.

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